A little known Christmas fact...

Not long ago and far away, Santa was getting ready for his annual
trip...but there were problems everywhere. Four of his elves were sick,
and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular
ones so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind
schedule.

Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her mom was coming to visit. This
stressed Santa even more.

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were
about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven
knows where. More Stress.

Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the boards cracked and the
toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys.
So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of coffee and a
shot of whiskey. When he went to the cupboard, he found the elves had
hidden the liquor and there was nothing to drink. In his frustration, he
dropped the coffee pot and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all
over the he kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found that mice
had eaten the straw it was made from.

Just then the doorbell rang and Santa cussed on his way to the door. He
opened the door and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas
tree. The angel said: "Where would you like to put this tree Santa?"

And that my friends, is how the little angel came to be on top of the
Christmas tree.

Thought Of the Day!

Handle every stressful situation like a dog.
If you can't eat it or hump it.
Piss on it and walk away.

As

is by now traditional, not actually something that happened to me, but when I was at uni, our wildly out-of-the-way campus was visited by a rugby team from either Oxford or Cambridge, can't remember which now. At the regular Friday night disco in one of the rancid nearby towns, I nipped into the gent's for a jimmy just in time to see one of the visiting rugger buggers shitting in a urinal. Which wasn't exactly the funniest thing in the world ever, at first. But it rapidly became very funny indeed when the urinals picked that precise moment to flush, and he ended up with several pints of water and a number of rapidly-disintegrating stools dumped over his trousers.

A good mate worked as a barmaid/cleaner in the same venue and once found one of the cubicles in the gents liberally smeared with poo... and with a couple of nice firm turds neatly deposited on a sheet of newspaper in the corner.